The Haunted Mansion
by Gezusfreek
Summary: Hiei finds himself surrounded by deathly ghouls, cawing ravens, floating candelabras, and horribly annoying teenage humans. What will the fire demon do? Scare the mortals of course. Hiei & Kurama, brotherly. NON-YAOI.


I recently went to Disney with my husband because we had an extra day left from our anniversary trip. It was a ton of fun, but I definitely wished that I had some of Hiei's powers... just a little bit. The crowds of people were annoying. I'm a short person so I was pushed around a lot trying to weave my way through the crowd. The ride that I wanted Hiei's powers the most on though, was definitely the Haunted Mansion. It being summer time, there were tons of school kids there and they were all terrified. It was hilarious. I thought to myself, how funny would it be to scare all of them? And then I thought... how Hiei-like that mindset was. SO! That brings me to this fanfic. I thought it would be hilarious to put Hiei on a 'scary' ride with a bunch of human teenagers. My husband had to literally stop me from getting my phone out and jotting down plot ideas. Haha. Anyway, enough of my rambling.. onto the fanfiction. XD

**Disclaimer**: Kurama and Hiei both belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. Any other characters mentioned belong to him too. Everything from the Haunted Mansion ride belongs to Disney. I just got the info from Wikipedia. XD

* * *

It seemed like the perfect day for an amusement park trip. The sun was shining, and the crowds were actually tolerable. As tolerable as they could be for a trip to Disney anyway. However, one particularly short fire yokai thought different.

Said short fire yokai glared at another human teenager who had bumped into him and kept on going without a second thought. "I swear... I am going to kill them all."

Kurama chuckled, continuing to walk next to his friend. "We both know that isn't true. Calm down or we'll never catch the demon."

Hiei let out an aggravated sigh as he focused his glare onto the demon they were trailing. Yes. It was indeed all of this demon's fault. Koenma had called the two into his office earlier that day to give them a mission that Yusuke was simply 'too busy' to work on. Apparently there was a demon who was stirring up trouble at local theme parks. Hiei couldn't fathom the joy this demon got from scaring pathetic humans, but as he was walking through the crowd he could imagine a few _fun_ ways to kill them all. He let out a huff. "When can we kill him?"

Kurama shook his head with a sigh. "We need to get him away from the crowds. Capturing him in the open will only cause chaos."

Hiei shoved his hands in his pockets as he unwillingly followed Kurama. He watched the demon enter an old building. "And what kind of horrible contraption lies in wait inside there?" He had found out earlier that day that inside buildings were 'rides' that humans seemed to enjoy. He honestly didn't understand the thrill of these rides, the pitiful human contraptions that they were.

Kurama looked at the building and the stagecoach that was outside of it. "I believe that is the Haunted Mansion ride."

Hiei lifted an eyebrow as they walked inside. "The Haunted Mansion?" This ride actually sounded interesting.

Kurama nodded. "Yes. It's a ride that is meant to invoke fear with the use of ghosts."

Hiei smirked. "Really?" He was honestly interested.

Kurama chuckled at the face Hiei was making. Too bad he was about to kill any joy the fire demon might actually feel. "Yes, but they aren't real ghosts."

Hiei's interested face immediately fell into that of a scowl. "Baka humans..."

Kurama put a finger up to his mouth to silent his friend as they came up to the crowd of people waiting to be let inside the doors. "Shh. They're getting ready to let us start the ride."

Hiei couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. "I'm ecstatic." He stated sarcastically.

The doors opened and the two demons followed the crowd into an octagonal room. Hiei paid little attention to the human staff member as he told the other humans to stand in the 'dead' center of the room. He was more interested in the fact that he found himself in a room that had no way out other than the entrance, which at that moment was blocked by humans. He scowled and made his way to a wall to lean on. He never let his back be open to attack. Kurama followed him and stood by him. "We're supposed to stay as far in the center and away from the walls as possible." Hiei's scowl only grew as he glared up at the fox. "I do not take orders. Especially those from baka humans." Kurama nodded and let out a sigh. He figured Hiei would say something along those lines.

Hiei's brow arched as a voice came over the speaker system.

"_Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host – your 'Ghost Host.'_ "

He looked around but noticed Kurama pointing to a few speakers. His scowl darkened. This couldn't possibly get any worse. He kept his eyes on the demon they were trailing as the voice from the speakers continued.

"_Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm…?"_

Hiei blinked as he felt the room lowering.. or was the ceiling being raised? He looked up at the portrait across from him. Was it... stretching? He narrowed his eyes as he realized that was the illusion that the foolish humans were to believe. How pathetic. He continued to examine the room, mostly the portraits. He allowed himself a smirk when the portraits turned into torture methods. He watched as the bearded man in his underwear was standing on a box of dynamite. Then he turned his attention to the young human woman holding a parasol, balancing on a wire, above hungry alligators. This one gave him great pleasure. It was a true shame that it was only a picture. He then looked to another portrait of an old woman sitting on a gravestone which featured a man with an ax through his head. Big deal. He moved on to the last portrait which had a man, sitting atop another man, who was sinking in quick sand. Pitiful humans. He ignored the voice over the speaker which continued to speak.

"…_And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows, and no doors... which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!__ Of course, there's always__** my **__way..._"

Hiei was about to make a comment to Kurama about killing the man over the speaker when the lights went out and lightning flashed, drawing both demon's attention to the ceiling. Everyone in the room screamed, save the two demons. The redhead was silent, his partner on the other hand, was not. Hiei found himself laughing at the 'dead' human being hung above them. While all the other humans in the room found this terrifying, Hiei found it quite humorous. Kurama raised an eyebrow at him. "What's so funny?" Hiei smirked. "I believe this ride may be more enjoyable than I thought." Hiei stood up from leaning against the wall and followed the crowd of people out of the room, leaving Kurama to trail behind him and only imagine what kind of torture lay ahead of him.

Hiei followed the people into the dimly lit hallway, snickering at the fear that was very evident on all of the teenager's faces. However, because the larger group was narrowing down to single file in the hallway, he found himself being bumped more than he pleased. So much for enjoying himself. He could feel Kurama's eyes on him mentally telling him to calm down. Screw that. He was going to have some fun with this. He smirked as he looked around. He'd have to do something small so as not to give away their position to the demon. He'd have to make it look like a human trick, as if it were part of the 'ride' experience. After all, they were going to be in this hallway for a bit... he might as well enjoy himself. He glanced around at the hallway, taking in its appearance. The windows on the left had fake lightning outside. On the right side of the hallway were portraits of various humans that changed into a scarier appearance. Or so the humans thought. He had seen low level demons far scarier than anything in those portraits. He looked down to the rail guards and noticed the carvings were of a bat. He raised an eyebrow. Those bats actually looked peaceful compared to demon bats he had seen. He rolled his eyes. Humans were so easily afraid. He smirked as a plan of action formed in his head. He glanced around at the humans around him and his eyes landed on Kurama's. He could see the fox mentally pleading for him to behave, but his smirk only grew as he ignored Kurama's mental pleas. He crossed his arms and his Jagan lightly glowed under his bandanna. Nobody had a chance to pay attention to him, as all their attention was drawn to the electric in the building going out. Many screamed. Hiei snickered. Kurama sighed. Hiei could hear staff whispering about frantically as they tried to get the power back on, trying not to alert the guests. Right before they were to announce everyone to remain calm, and ruin Hiei's fun in the process, Hiei had the lights flicker back on. Kurama bent down next to him so that he was eye level. "Please. Behave." Hiei snickered once more and nodded. Kurama made the mistake of not defining the word 'behave' to Hiei. In Hiei's opinion, he was behaving. Not behaving would be killing them all where they stand.

Both demons continued on without a disturbance as they came to the loading station. They watched as the target demon got on a buggy three ahead of the one they were to get on. Hiei had to stifle a moan as he got in the buggy and sat next to Kurama. He hated these horrid contraptions. The sooner he got off this ride, the sooner he could kill the demon. That almost became a mantra for him throughout the day.

Hiei became utterly confused at the first thing they saw. It was an 'endless' hallway with a floating candelabra at the end of it. Really? How was that even scary? He glanced at the suit of armor that seemed to be 'alive' and rolled his eyes. "This is pathetic."

Kurama chuckled at his friend's discomfort. "Humans are not used to the Makai Hiei. Simple things such as this easily scare them."

Hiei shook his head, ignoring him. The next 'scene' they were faced with was a conservatory where a 'funeral' of sorts was taking place. Hiei glared at the fake raven and completely ignored the corpse trying to break free of his coffin. He huffed and leaned back in the buggy, crossing his arms. How was he supposed to scare the humans when they were separated by buggies?

The ride continued on down a corridor full of shaking, knocking, moving, and breathing doors. Hiei made a disgusted face at the 'demonic' wallpaper and black and white photos. He had seen worse as an infant. He ignored the clock that chimed thirteen, along with the shadow claw that was supposed to scare him.

The ride took them into a dark room, full of magical 'floating' instruments. Hiei paid them no attention as he watched the crystal ball with a woman's head in it. "What the heck?"

Kurama glanced at him, then to the crystal ball. "That is Madame Leota. Supposedly she's a medium who possesses the crystal ball. She summons the mansion's spirits from here."

Hiei rolled his eyes as the woman began to talk.

"_Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat/Call in the spirits, wherever they're at./Rap on a table, it's time to respond/Send us a message from somewhere beyond./Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween/Awaken the spirits with your tambourine./Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond/Let there be music from regions beyond./Wizards and witches wherever you dwell/Give us a hint by ringing a bell."_

As the buggy took them out of the room, Hiei glared at the back of the buggy in front of them. "Humans have no taste in anything of the demonic realm."

Kurama chuckled, but said nothing in return.

Hiei sat up in interest at the next room. It appeared to be a large ballroom where 'ghosts' were flying around, dancing, eating, and all sorts of things. He smirked. This was a large room. All of the buggies in their row had view of it. He could pull something off in here to scare all the mortals. His smirk turned devious as all the candles in the ballroom lit up and and almost exploded with fire. The shadows the fire created were menacing, as if to display the shadows of demons along the walls. It was so unexpected that the majority of the humans screamed in terror. Hiei snickered as the fire went out completely, returning the ballroom back to it's normal state.

Kurama shook his head. "That was uncalled for."

Hiei shrugged, paying him no attention. "What is uncalled for is us chasing this demon throughout this pathetic human center of entertainment."

Kurama sighed, knowing that Hiei was right. He honestly couldn't argue with him.

The next room they entered only confused Hiei. He wasn't sure what type of room it was, but all of the portraits were of married humans, which turned into a headless husband next to his bride. How was this demonic? "This is backwards. In demon world, it's the woman who is murdered for any reason."

Kurama nodded. "Yes. Indeed."

Hiei shook his head, scoffing at the portraits. Humans only continued to confuse him. It was just best not to focus on any of it. The stupidity may rub off. He lifted an eyebrow as the 'bride' that appeared in all the portraits raised her hand and an ax appeared in it. "This is ridiculous..."

He blinked as the buggies turned and sloped them backwards down a hill. He narrowed his eyes. That was just annoying. He glared at the raven cawing at them. Suddenly, he didn't like black beady-eyed birds any longer. As soon as they were off this ride, he was finding him some to kill.

As the buggies brought them into the graveyard, Hiei looked on with hardly any interest. The 'live' person in the graveyard looked like a typical terrified human. Hiei actually snickered at the emaciated dog behind him. He watched as 'ghosts' popped up out of tombstones and as he went to pull another stunt to scare the humans, Kurama put his hand on his arm to stop him. He glared at Kurama but lifted an eyebrow at him in question when he saw his face. He looked quite serious. "What?"

Kurama motioned to their demon target. "He's getting suspicious. I can smell it. Don't pull anymore stunts or he may notice we're here and injure innocents."

Hiei cursed under his breath and pulled his arm away from Kurama. "Fine." As they traveled down the hill, Hiei only glared at the five singing busts before they moved on to the tea party. This was just great. Weren't ghosts supposed to be 'scary'? At least to humans? Then why were they having a tea party! This was absurd. All the 'scary' ghosts were singing. He shook his head and turned his attention to the mummy. He failed to understand how this could possibly scare anyone.

Next was the inside of a tomb... where there was a phantom dressed in a robe-like outfit. What really annoyed Hiei were the two opera singers who came after that. He rubbed his temple. "I feel a headache coming on. Those two are worse than that horrible device that I stole from the ferry girl and destroyed."

Kurama nodded, grimacing at the opera singers. "I can't say I enjoyed the demon whistle any more than you did."

As they neared the end of the graveyard Hiei's nerves were almost shot. He was sick of this day. He was sick of this ride. And more importantly, he was sick of being surrounded by moronic humans. What topped it all of though was the mirror they passed by which showed one of the ghosts 'hitchhiking' in their buggy. He could feel the vein protruding on his forehead. "Kurama... give me a good reason not to kill everyone here."

Kurama was silent for a moment, then chuckled. "Our parol?"

Hiei glared at him. "You mean the one I'm free of?"

Kurama shrugged. "Well you won't be if you kill everyone here."

Hiei grunted and sat back in the buggy, waiting for the horrible ride to end. They were almost out, but of course the pitiful humans had to add something else stupid and a waste of his time to the ride. He looked up at the tiny woman which looked just like that head in the crystal ball. He growled as she began to talk.

"_Hurry back… Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now. We've been [snicker] 'dying' to have you…"_

Hiei clenched his fists. He had had enough of this ride. "Someone is going to be dying very soon if they don't let me off of this contraption."

Kurama shook his head. "Calm down. It's almost over."

As they passed under the tiny bride Hiei could finally see the end of the ride. He got out of the buggy as soon as he was able and began tailing the demon. He wanted to end this. And he wanted to end it now. No more rides. He was through. "Kurama, we're going to get him to a secluded area. I want to kill him now."

Kurama sighed next to him. "I'm afraid that's going to be difficult in this populated of an area. We'll have to wait until he leaves the park."

Hiei shook his head. "I'm not waiting any longer."

Kurama nodded, quickly going through ideas in his head. They needed to drive the demon out, but how would they do that without causing any innocents to die? Before Kurama could come up with a plan however, Hiei had flared his energy. Kurama's eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

Hiei smirked. "Scaring him out of the park."

Kurama blinked and turned his attention back to the demon. Sure enough, Hiei's energy flare had frightened him and he was now running towards the exit. Kurama turned to Hiei, nodded, and took off after the demon, following Hiei.

Thirty minutes later Hiei found himself leaning against a parking lot pole in a vacant area of the parking lot, with a smug look on his face. He wasn't allowed to kill the demon, since Koenma wanted him alive for whatever reason, but he did beat him to a pulp, releasing his pent up anger from the day.

Kurama clicked the communicator shut and smiled. "Koenma should be sending us a portal moments from now." He paused for a moment. "Of course, I do find it quite ironic that this demon is being captured because he was tormenting humans at amusement parks."

Hiei raised an eyebrow at him. "Why is that ironic?"

Kurama chuckled. "Well, you were doing the exact same thing during that last ride."

Hiei blinked. Earlier that day, he didn't understand the thrill this demon got from scaring pathetic human teenagers. However, after enduring that ride he now had a new understanding. Come to think of it, he still had something he had to do. Remembering that ride, reminded him of something he had to kill. He stood up straight and smirked. "You take him to Koenma's."

Kurama nodded. "Where are you going?"

Hiei only smirked and disappeared. Kurama shook his head with a sigh and smiled. If he knew Hiei like he thought he did, then his guess was that there would be quite a few less ravens in the world within the next hour.

* * *

Those poor, poor, ravens. HAHA. ^.~


End file.
